Judging by his haircut, how much longer until he gets tricked into speaking at a Proud Boy rally or something like that?

I recently lost a ton of weight (like 65 pounds). My secret was that every time I was about to eat something unhealthy, I would think about Jameis’s “eat a W” speech. Lost my appetite immediately. Dang near turned bulimic.

Apparently so does his wife.

This is still him sloppily cosplaying as MJ. 

So do the folks at the Orchids of Asia...

“I believe in due process.”

Its amazing how men always know exactly how they would react and exactly what they would do if they were ever forcibly raped by a man (let alone a very famous man) when its something they have no reason to ever worry about.

If someone raped me in May I’d report it on the 4th of July so I can wear my jorts with the American flag pockets.

His wife was equally unimpressed with her second-place trophy.

I cannot stop staring at that amazing picture. Literally nobody looks at all happy to be there, and as though trying to pretend otherwise is pointless.

The problem with this theory is that they all went absolutely insane over the existential “threat” of “radical Islam,” starting from the top with Dick Cheney.

I don’t think the Republicans in charge are really worried about it, because they figure they have enough money and power to insulate themselves and their families from whatever disaster ensues, and that’s all they care about.

My whole hypothesis on Trump or just conservatives self-immolating in general is that the country has been (relatively) peaceful and prosperous for decades at this point and conservatives have lost all sense of fear that this country can really be harmed. Most of the demographic of people in charge haven’t experienced…

Careful how you talk about Arlen High’s career touchdown record holder. 

I want to grind this comment to a fine powder and snort it.

Just...don’t. Good god, man--your dignity.

It was on the TVs at my rec center yesterday, and the audible groans from the miserable Browns fans on the treadmills around me was like running next to the chorus in a Greek tragedy.

They're on track for 0-16, which is more likely than them winning the Super Bowl right now

a staggering 18 penalties for 182 yards