Hey, as long as they’re up to date on their tetanus shots! Anti-vaxxer kids have to go play in the Special Snow Globe for Special Snowflakes Who End Up With Polio and All That Stuff We Got Rid Of Decades Ago.

Little kids know what boobs are for. When my daughter was like four, we were in the mall and some lady was nursing her baby on a bench and my kid marches up to her and says “Oh, is your baby drinking your milk? Awww, that’s so nice! Hi, baby! I hope you like your milk!” and I was mortified but the mom said that was…

Most nudists go to the beach so they can dangle their scrotum mere inches from the book I’m pretending to read while hoping to get a glimpse of someone under 50 sunbathing in the nude before finally giving up.

“ But the fact is, most people don’t do divorce all that well, especially when children are involved. She’s strengthening their conviction that they need to get away from their husbands, instead of learning to work through challenging issues. Sometimes you have to be a warrior to stay.””

Rolled my eyes so hard I have a headache.

Sarah gave birth to twins with just her family and members of the church, including three midwives, in attendance

Additional, super fucked up fact: Shannon Hickman and Sarah Mitchell are sisters.

Yasssss!!!

Every award show, he and Ronnie Milsap wink knowingly at each other.

Very few people are entirely 100% blind. I’m completely blind on my left eye and have 20/200 vision in my right and I often just use the “blind” shorthand for myself. I know a lot of people who can only see light and color and refer to themselves as blind. I think we should all leave Stevie Wonder alone.

So I joined Next Door and I think I regret it. I’m in what is both a newly developing and older part of Denver and a lot of the threads are somewhat racist? Also I feel like it’s having the effect where my neighborhood seems now dangerous than it is because of the 24/7 posts. I don’t know hard to explain. Anyone else…

Um, what about THIS classic??? You fucking lit snobs.

I...what?

What about the greatest romance book of all time, Pounded in My Butt By My Book, “Pounded in the Butt By My Own Butt”?

“You’re going to like having sex with me after yoga. I guarantee it.”

Goddammit. I never would have believed this. Cobain yes, the Layne Staley and Scott Weiland ODs yes, but there was something so joyful and alive to me in Soundgarden’s music despite the dark lyrics. There is a swagger there, a “listen to this motherfuckers” vibe that I thought could only come from a gunslinger intent…

Young and first hearing Soundgarden on Pump Up the Volume - hearing such angry and aggressive and (in my young mind) counter-cultural and “dangerous” music on the soundtrack - wanting to be edgy so adding soundgarden to mixed tapes, then falling in love with Badmotorfinger (tape and CD), then being BLOWN AWAY by…

The news this morning felt like a punch to the face. Soundgarden and Temple of the Dog were mainstays in my personal music library in high school and college. I even willingly paid for (and enjoyed) some of his solo work. His voice was mesmerizing and his lyrics put into words all of the depression-fueled emotions…

Are you kidding? Give me a three-month-old any day. They stay in car seats, they do not get lost on elevators, they do not criticize you. I could go on forever.

When some women speak, it is mostly bullshit. Christ, gurls, take all the money and your multiple apologies that those people gave you, give up the quest for the pound of flesh, and get thy sorry asses hence to the kombucha bar to drown thy grievances.