You would think so, right? But nope, Rusty has been his nickname for forever. And that last name is in one of the best baseball pictures:

That’s the pose my girlfriend and I make right before we are about to go on to the dance floor at a wedding and embarrass ourselves.

Call me crazy but I love .269

Well, he don’t eat meat, but he sure like the coke. MATTY MAUK, SHE’S A VEGETARIAN

For one thing, the cop’s shooting percentage would be sky-high.

no they are definitely hotter than the surface of the sun my dad told me so

Really? I thought sparklers were hotter.

Basically.

Reminds me of the hot kangaroo...

what about the ‘big fuckin’ sea turtle/baby fuckin’ whale/this fuckin’ thing’:

It’s like deja vu all over again. The same thing happened at Toys R Us back in the nineties when Dennis Rodman and Michael Jordan were on their way out of the store with some children’s toys, and were physically accosted by some beefy security guards.

Way to spoil the surprise for your nephew, James. Now he knows exactly what kind of institutional racism is in store for him.

We should all stop jumping to conclusions and wait for the fax to come out.

“Now that the baby is out, place it on your head nest to stay warm.”

Your answer is informative, helpful, and non-judgmental. I hate it and I hate you, too.