Before you could just Google anything, I used to call my Dad up all the time. "Dad, what's a skeeter hawk? Dad, what does 'verklempt' mean? Dad, how many mitzvot are there? Dad, what's the difference between type one, two, and three diabetes? Dad, is this phrase a simile or a metaphor?"

The look in the puppy's eyes.

Proof again that there is nothing cutter than a dachshund puppy.

"Cool Chicken" sounds like a restaurant my aunt would open.

"Oh yeah, we have chicken, and like, you can bring your friends anytime. I don't mind if you drink, just be safe and you can always stay the night. Make sure you get dessert and also I bought you these clogs and a Teen Vogue. Don't tell your mom about the…

I'm always up on my high horse preaching about getting a rescue dog, but you know what? If some creep emerged from a back alley and offered me that dog for $100 it would very difficult to say no. Puppy!!!

It's a baby dachshund, which makes it so much better too.

Mojo went shopping just a few days ago!

My dream is to live in a huge house with a huge backyard and tons of rescue dogs. Too bad I'm poor.

Being half-Japanese with an ESL mother, growing up in deep South San Diego and learning to curse in other languages (Spanish & Tagalog) was the best. You can obviously get away with so much. Being able to do so should be a birthright for every American kid.

Is anyone else wondering how bad that person's back hurt? Shit, I must be getting old. I'll see myself out.

I needed that after reading the Robert Durst post. Palate cleanser.

It's baby Knox! Dogs on Vine bring me life. :)

That puppy is everything.

Have you not worked in a restaurant? I mean, truthfully, I've only worked in restaurants in the Southwest (which has a large Latino population), but that's just what happens in the kitchen and dishwashing station. Spanish and Spanglish cursing, usually at customers, but also at FOH employees and most often towards one…

I don't think C.A. means "back of house" as an insult, but more of the restaurant lingo of in the kitchen/staff area of the restaurant. These include cooks, support staff, dishwashers, etc...

This made me cackle insanely.

Pendejos...

The only way this story could get better is if this Pakistani family were eventually hand-picked by the State Department to be the President of Pakistan or Syria. (For the un-initiated, Karzai was running a greasy spoon in Michigan(?) before the US decided that his talents were better suited to being the puppet…