I absolutely cannot believe Cohen put his “feelings” in writing! Sounds like he needs a time out. Soon.

No. She did not.

Oven roasted elephant garlic for those fries!

No. Must start before pre-kindergarten.

I'm thinking that the m-i-l deliberately left those photos so you would see them. Like the old saying, "If you don't want to see what's in the room, don't put on the lights." She put 1,000 watt bulbs in just before you got there.

Wow! I believe this could be a female impersonator, but couldn't see an Adam's Apple.

LOL! They can't spell! And, they're probably too cheap to hire someone to proofread.

You go 8 minutes east of Beverly Hills and a mani/pedi runs around $20.

Feeding them to the lions? Meh, I don't think so. However, your other suggestions are spot on.