Starred for use of "Schwanz."

Every time I say something about how Matt Lauer seems like the worst, my mom always reminds me of that time my great-aunt (80 years old and in a wheelchair) went to the Today Show and Matt Lauer came over to where she was sitting every so often to check if she needed anything.

#ShutUpMattLauer

There is at least some aspect of curiosity as to how they might attempt to out-asshole each other …

one minute a dude's just chillin' out, all relaxed, feet up in the air
... and the next thing ya know ...

I went to a talk at 92Y last night and they handed out a flyer of upcoming events. Lauer is interviewing Jeremy Piven there this week. I would rather have my hands cut off than go to that asshole-fest.

You couldn't pay me to eat this

That's some tacky shit to print on a menu.

This was such a good read — I hope you get to do more!

dear god, look at all this basic, boring food and that "pizza" is fucking offensive.

Why do the scrimps have NO color?

What is the cocktail ingredient called 'simple'?

Canned shrimp?

THATS A PIZZA????

oh my god

Who the fuck thinks burrata can go with avocado?

This is goddamn brilliant.

Hot take: Yolanda is the best Real Housewife ever.

Anwar's modeling career seems imminent.