For regular readers of this column you should probably start with “What a Female Vagina Looks Like”.

#istandwithronald

All they had to say was “we appreciate you taking the time to address this matter. Our current fall line is closed, but we will address our need to expand the costume choices for girls in the near future. Thanks for being a customer.” The end. Why are people so bad at public relations?

Is that dude...pooping? I mean, I get it, I’m a nervous pooper too, but...

Oh, thanks, I haven’t had a Bloody Mary in a whi—... THIS ISN’T A BLOODY MARY

I gotcher super blood moon right here (points at mentstrual cup).

Caught a Neil deGrasse Tyson show last night, around 10 minutes of which was devoted to explaining how exciting and special news this isn’t. The moon will be appx .004 times bigger to the naked eye. Also, not all that red, apparently.

(I offer that the start of human sex commences with the beginning of sexual touching and ends when no one needs to be sexually touched anymore because both are satisfied, however that is defined between the participants.)

Six minutes? Who can possibly get it up three times in a row?

I collaged a Wrap It Up sign.

Women wanted eight more minutes of foreplay and seven more minutes of intercourse

Flounder = Floundah

I officially lost it at “IT’S GOTTA BE A TUNER OR SOMETHIN BRO.” Who knew, back when I was living by Fenway fahkin’ Pahk and hating all the drunk Sox fans pissing on my stoop, that I’d come to miss and love Massachusetts accents so much once I’d left Boston???

I would TOTALLY let that guy have sex with me....

Holy fucking shit, Jay. This thing is uglier than Billy fucking Bucknah trying to field a ground ball.

“That is still good meat on that fuckin’ fish kid!” After 5 minutes of going through the stages of horror, wonder, amnesia, horror, wonder, amazement and finally hunger.

Jay! We gotta go to Sully’s, bro. I need a dahk and stormy to settle my nerves. Plus, the Pats game is on. Go Pats.

What, no “wicked pissah!” I am disappointed in my fellow New Englanders.

Boston is truly the best of America.