I was disappointed when I found that the hummus I have isn’t included in the recall. Swimsuit season is coming up, and I could use a quick weight loss plan. ;)

Clearly it's dangerous, discredited bunk science built on only the most shaky evidence and extreme bigotry, but nationally ban it? Let's not do anything too rash, here.

This is how every Libertarian I’ve ever met feels. They are all about small government right up until the point at which it begins governing what I can and cannot do with my uterus.

This performance he did of Hey Mama at the 2008 Grammys never fails to leave me in tears. It's obvious how much he loved her, and how much he was hurting from the loss.

That attendant is a national hero.

After planning a wedding, I did not want to plan an elaborate vacation. We booked a Caribbean cruise, where I could just roll on the boat and have a drink with an umbrella immediately placed in my hand.

You know, I take serious issue with the fact we are calling this idiotic. The jokes he wrote weren’t funny, and they were definitely antisemitic and weirdly misogynistic for literally no reason. It didn’t even improve the stupid, shitty jokes. Had he been, say, a Republican staffer who was making inappropriate…

Can we get a number to call, or an address? It’s funny what a thousand phone calls can do.

Either you know me or this problem is more common than I thought because I say that all the fucking time!

YOU LIVE HERE, TOO!

My husband's excuse for not putting away the dishes out of the dishwasher: "I don't know where they go."

I'm a morning person. And an extrovert. I'm married to a non-morning introvert who never gets enough sleep (he's halfway through a surgical residency; he will literally never get enough sleep ever again until he dies). I have learned to just ignore him for his first hour of awake time. I make no noise that isn't…

Shuddering right now because there is NOTHING worse than slimy, smelly left over food in the sink. WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU.

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."

You should have an I Thee Dread Pissing Contest: Cheapest Wedding. But seriously, I'd love to hear from people who had expensive weddings. I'm curious to know where all the money goes.

Aww, that little girl is going to be one hell of a surgeon/serial killer one day.

One of my last semesters in college I had let my roommate talk me into renting an apartment at a really weird apartment complex in Austin called the Metropolis which was painted psychedelic colors and housed a lot of artistic and obviously drug friendly people. I was a middle class kid from a small town and a huge…

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

I need to reread the secret single behavior post every Friday night to get myself pumped about spending the evening alone. I was legit excited to get home from work late so I could eat pizza and feel solidarity