I prefer Mr. Scrummy

Man, I hate the fucking Eagles.

I always thought it would go better with the drum solo from "Tusk"

And still, the number of overdoses of Cannabis hovers slightly between Funyuns and Entire Package of Tim Tams.

I always wondered why people were eager for another white boy band that blended “rock, reggae, hip hop, and funk”

Dear Salty Waitress:

If only there were some other place where people could socialize and purchase alcohol for consumption.  This might catch on!

I’m sure Ben Carson will be right on this.  As soon as he wakes up from his nap.

Today is also the day that Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.

Does that awful cover by Taylor Swift of September count?

I guess Then it Fell Apart.

I called them directly and asked if they could give me a date for delivery. They said no. They did not get my business for that, and many other purchases online as a result. I only buy from them in person as a result. I love them. I am a longtime member, and purchase a ton of shit from them. But their online model…

Shoulda known it was for a dog when it came with a side of cat poop.

In my experiences, it’s pretty simple.

I don’t understand the world any more, and I am somewhat frightened by it.

I would like to pre-order a Renault MEGANE R.S. TROPHY-R from my local FIAT dealer please.

What I want to know is does it use its turn signals? 

I was going to make some snarky penchant comment such as “What’s next, bringing back Orbitz? The ‘chunks of floating mystery’ soda?”

What do McDonald’s and Jack In The Box have in common?

Chik-fil-A sucks. In many ways.