You and your dad should stick to talking about things you actually know about.

Present Me: hell-to-the-no.

*I* care if Idris Elba wins an Oscar. I just want more reasons to have him in my living room with me and if awards season can make that happen, I am ALL IN.

Yawn. Call me when they remake the only movie that matters in that franchise: Grease 2.

Dearest Mark,

While we’re getting closure through celebrity memoirs, can Fergie write one and finally own up to that time she peed her pants on stage during a Black Eyed Peas concert?

Can we talk about how his hand looks like it’s going for his crotch? I’m about to pass out from lust.

Mr. Blondette actually does require Magnums. This has been TMI: The Tweet Beat Comments Edition.

I hope this woman returns to us as a ghost and becomes my best friend.

Everyone’s trying just a little too hard to sell us this Gwake romance. I’m not buying it—not even from YOU, Bush (aka Bush X, to Canadians).

It’s like Jeb is actually trying NOT to win.

Talk to me when Kate McKinnon’s Justin Bieber drops a Drake cover. THEN I’ll call a damn number to hear it.

Jonny Lee Miller! I watched Hackers a hundred goddamned times for him. He can rock both a belly shirt AND a fashion forward orange life vest.

Have the GOP declared hot dogs have more rights than women yet?

Nice try, Lauren Conrad, but I don’t need your tutorial.

I want to travel with her to an all-inclusive.

It’s weird we haven't had any classes together.

Sounds like you've got a plan for survival. Good on ya! xo

YES. How dare we not observe and engage our children every second of every day.

A-motherfucking-men!