Fired? Thank you random citizen for recording this!!

It’s so weird to me how cops just started doing stuff like this since cell phones with video cameras became so common place. You’d think they would have been up to these same shenanigans before, but the outcomes of so many internal investigations into such reports made it clear that witnesses and alleged victims were…

What crowd?

I had several classes in college where we were paired with another student and we had to read and grade the first draft of each other’s papers. He reminds me of the worst of those students who padded with misspellings, misuses and tangents that at best could be considered irrelevant and at worst distracting and…

Why are all of his statements couched in the most ridiculous superlatives? WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOUR SHITTY CHOCOLATE CAKE OR HOW BIG IT WAS!!!!

Everyone is distracted by the admittedly shiny comedy gold of the chocolate cake description. Meanwhile this dude can’t remember where he dropped missiles. This means he also doesn’t remember where the photo of the kids his daughter inspired him to “avenge” came from. Every human on earth should be terrified. 

Can I re-introduce you to his inauguration crowd?

Oh my fuck. This guy is our president. Our PRESIDENT. We’re so screwed.

I don’t know. I don’t think it distracts from the truly evil shit they do, it just serves as a reminder of the difficulty the most powerful man in the country has forming a coherent sentence.

And why just a factor of five? Why stop there? Why not 10 or 20? What is that scale based on? What do words/numbers mean anymore?!?

He bragged that all of them hit? Weren’t there reports that like... not even half hit the intended target?

The button looked so tiny when I pushed it with my bigly fingers.

I have an uncle who can never, ever get the details of a story right. He ends almost every one with an angry “Oh, you know what I meant!”

I hate these idiots as much as the next sane reasonable person, but we don’t need a news cycle each time they misspeak. Honestly, it distracts from the real evil they are perpetrating.

Unbelievable, from hundreds of miles away, all of which hit, amazing, so incredible, it’s brilliant, it’s genius, our technology, our equipment is better than anybody by a factor of five...

I had a similar conversation with my wife about American made vehicles the other day. Great vehicles.

“So what happens is, I said, we just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq—”

At least he waited until the last course to launch missiles, so he has some manners.

de·men·tia

I swear to god the man has early stage Alzheimer’s. The way he speaks, the word salads, lack of vocabulary, the inability to follow a train of thought, all remind me of my late father-in-law early on before he completely lost the ability to speak.