Let this be a lesson, children: if you ever find yourself in prison, escape as soon as possible. The boredom of being locked in solitary confinement for months will force you to train dancing birds for your private amusement.

Let this be a lesson, children: if you ever find yourself in prison, escape as soon as possible. The boredom of being locked in solitary confinement for months will force you to train dancing birds for your private amusement.

I got to witness firsthand the uglier side of American jingoism today, as my better half and I, having exhausted all other cinematic options, paid good money to see Battleship. The typical bellicose "hooo-ahhh" saber-rattling and Tom Clancy-style fetishism of military paraphernalia came as little surprise, of course,…

I got to witness firsthand the uglier side of American jingoism today, as my better half and I, having exhausted all other cinematic options, paid good money to see Battleship. The typical bellicose "hooo-ahhh" saber-rattling and Tom Clancy-style fetishism of military paraphernalia came as little surprise, of course,…

Seeing Donald Glover described in the headline of that article as "Black Actor" reminded me immediately why I don't read the New York Post.

Seeing Donald Glover described in the headline of that article as "Black Actor" reminded me immediately why I don't read the New York Post.

I just want to see a prequel about the early life of that truck driver hauling gasoline to Fresno. What was his name? Had he ever loved? And what circumstances could have warped him into such a hard and bitter individual that he refused to apologize for shit?

I just want to see a prequel about the early life of that truck driver hauling gasoline to Fresno. What was his name? Had he ever loved? And what circumstances could have warped him into such a hard and bitter individual that he refused to apologize for shit?

Seeing the decaying skeleton of a baby that hung itself to escape from its underground sweatshop prison has to be, hands down, the darkest fucking joke I've ever seen on network television.

Seeing the decaying skeleton of a baby that hung itself to escape from its underground sweatshop prison has to be, hands down, the darkest fucking joke I've ever seen on network television.

I just love how Robin describes the obvious string of clues at the beginning as more "subtle" than Eddie's usual tricks - it's a perfect illustration of what a useless moron he really is. Really, is his only role around the cave to be a foil for any potential exposition?

Quite the contrary. Saying Batman is one the more friendly vigilantes you're likely to meet in Gotham just illustrates how psychopathic the rest of his extended "family" is. Huntress almost put a fucking crossbow bolt in my head once.

Oh, I've got a question. Just what was going on with that little "boing" sound effect I heard emanating from you during the party? I mean, only Joker would be so gauche as to carry a jack-in-the-box around in his pants at a formal soiree, so it had to be something… else.

Even though I knew she didn't need or want them, I assumed the role of the dutiful son this weekend and gave my mother flowers. It wasn't hard to locate her - she's been at the same address for almost seven years now, right next to Dad.

Is it the disturbing "uncanny valley" aspect to her face? Because it's making me want to vomit in my mouth and start crying, just like when I see a photograph of Lily Cole.

But Chevy worked really hard on it.

His brief complaint about the restaurant menu being written in French will inspire a monologue about how "all them Pakis an' shit should just go back home, yeah?"

Americans can insult Britain all they want, but there's no escaping the truth: they offered us Russell Brand, and we took him. We didn't take the sensible route and laugh in their faces, or quarantine him at airport customs for fear of a viral infection, or politely ask if we could have Noel Fielding instead.

Was he playing eight-ball, the most common billiards variant in the United States, at the time? If so, then the table is inaccurately set, and he's walked into a trap.

Everyone's already started the party without me, I notice. Is it too much to ask for a reasonable hour to post this sort of thing? I'm a sick man, and by all rights I should still be in bed, so fuck your damn "Central Time Zone".