Wouldn’t a Gulfstream be faster, or are those only used by actual billionaires?

Oh, honey, you just brought painful memories of the Audi 90 I used to have.

I wish my mechanic was that cute.

It actually looks like Cruz is taking a picture with the two white dudes behind him.

I think their faces are the result of realizing too late that standing under the raised arms of a shiny human turd with copious pit sweat wasn’t worth the Instagram curiosity points.

People on that much Xanax don’t really need booze.

I am definitely in the target market of women this type of bodice ripping glamerotica is published for, but I prefer porn. ...as he moved deeper and deeper into her...Yeah, honey, show me the video.

I still have the first new car I ever owned, a 1969 Volvo Amazon wagon and drive it almost every day. At least one of my four kids was conceived in the back of that thing. Even with the work it has needed over the years, only happy memories with that car. My husband’s mid-life crisis lease of a 1993 Jaguar, on the…

I am definitely on board with believing Jesus had sex, but not with women. I mean, Christ, a wife? Come on.

What are your immigration policies for old white retired American nurse ladies with a mediocre retirement account and no criminal record? I’d move to Finland. Can I come? I can handle snow. I grew up in Maine, which is about as close to Finland as you can get in America. Let me know...

Is web browser compression like Spanx for the internet?

Why is it a surprise that observant followers of Islam share the same “family values” beliefs as observant followers of conservative Christianity? Islam is defended by most ardent liberals who never question how many of its followers are pro-choice, pro-marriage equality, etc. I’m not worried about mass immigration…

I’ll be taking it out as much as humanly possible.

Thanks to this, I finally know the best way to respond when a skinny pretty person patronizes me with platitudes when I lose weight.

I thought this was going to be an ad for the new Sean Cody video: “Brody Gets Scott’s Wood.”

You know the artisanal chocolate is bad when the food snobs start eating each other instead of the chocolate.

Men don’t need a woman’s help to look lame. Typical tech misogyny to invent fundamentally useless technology and then attribute social success of women who use it to that technology. Honey, women have been polishing the turd that is human failure since we were living in caves.

If you think James Deen is creepy, you should see the rough, rape-fantasy porn Kink Studios produces. It seems some of the performers and some of the viewers forget about the fantasy aspect or use it as an excuse to actually rape women.

I always assumed they held it in. I toured a few fancy country houses in England and was told that after dinner the men would stay in the dining room and there was a piss pot they could use in the corner. The guides weren’t sure about what the women did who were just there for dinner. It would have been scandalous to…

And now it’s a prohibitively expensive playground and tax haven for the richest of the rich oligarchs, children of despots, and the bankers who manage their wealth.