this is why i only ever hook up with the girls from tinder because one time i hooked up w/ this guy

Touching someone's ceiling is definitely something you don't do till AT LEAST date 7.

but why was that weird? Did he just walk into your room and stand on your bed and place his hand on your ceiling…like some kind of show-off?

Am I the only person who isn't that freaked out by this? Honestly, I would rather date one of these guys than one who acts like I'm infected and won't touch my crotch for 5 days out of the month.

How long has that one been queued up?

I hope he doesn't think this means he can spend less time with the children he and I created together one magical weekend in my Netflix queue.

Eh, pestering for period sex might get tiresome, but I'd take that over a manbaby cringing at the mere thought of blood and insisting on unreciprocated blowjobs for a week any day of the month.

Is "put his hand on my ceiling" a euphemism?

Is he going for candy imagery here?

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to get these kinds of messages, ladies. Sometimes you have to wait months or even years to find out you've been dating an asshole, but these guys just let you know right away. It's practically a public service!

Why isn't he hacking semen?? I'd like something in a root beer float flavor.

His eyes ... They're like lasers!

Ohio is the Florida of the North

This is so vile. I hope everyone involved in this "prank" burns in hell for all eternity. Until then, I will settle for public beatings. I've got a sock full of quarters at the ready.

Letter Writer #1 makes me want to fucking SCREAM. It's bad enough running into that (literally running into it, with your bare ass) in public restrooms, but in your HOME? What fucking year is this? How fucking old are you and what's the last grade you completed? How are you so convinced you're going to get some kind…

English Leather do anything for ya?

Those who have know us for years must realize that we do not condone this behavior.

To everyone saying it is just a joke: That's the point.

That is a nice suit. It looks good with his body type and skin color.

My question is, who will be our first summertime seersucker President?