I, as a proud ex-pizza-girl can guarantee you that they do not have to meet meet any kind of code. You need to carry extra insurance when you deliver, but my car was gross AS FUCK for the whole three years I delivered.

Just here to squee about your username.

Came to make sure no one had made this joke yet, but they haven’t so

I had to spend a day in one of Sheriff Joe’s hellholes for a DUI about two years ago.
I was only there for about 15 hours in a holding cell with a bunch of other ladies, some of whom were going to tent city. I got in at about 9 a.m. and was released at 4 a.m., and we got fed nutriloaf (look that shit up, cause omg) an…

Mild libertarianism and a vague, undefinable dislike of Hilary Clinton #banalmen

(It’s now my goal to make this ~a thing~ in real life)

It mainly performs some kind of magic on my lips and makes them seem full and pouty. It does a little for under my eyebrows, but it does ... diddly on my cheeks/anywhere else you're supposed to contour. And the sample is TEENY. Like, really, really teeny. And I find when I squeeze it out of the tube I always get way…

Yeah, I wanted the blush bad, but I've been on a lip color kick recently and I'm really pleased with this one. Made the box, which wasn't bad, but not amazing, totally worth it.

It does a little work under my eyebrows to make them look more ~sculpted~ but it pretty much does nothing for my cheek bones or anything else.
OMG it works like magic potion on my lips though, don't understand why, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who fell for it's magical lip spell.
It is kind of a pain to get the…

I haven't even finished reading yet, but I just got my Birchbox and I got the MadMen California one and IT'S SO GREAT.
The lipstick (lip crayon?) Is gorgeous and I've worn it every day this week . It's called Honeypot by LaqA and Co. It's pretty much the only reason I ordered the California box.
There's also an…

OMFG those voicemails. I am having incredibly painful secondhand embarrassment right now.
“You looked very taken aback by my approach and I hope that wasn’t timidness ... because I don’t date timid women. I’m very passionate and assertive.”
SHE WAS TAKEN ABACK BECAUSE YOU’RE A CREEPER BRO. SHE’S NOT TIMID, YOU’RE…

I want to star this many more times.

Walk into ex-boyfriends apartment for the first time, see only Coldplay, REM and nature sounds albums on the shelves #banalmen

Wow. I can’t imagine why anyone would ever leave you, you sound like such a keeper, what with your anecdata and vast generalizations of 50% of the population.

Oh God, this has happened to me so many times. I was a serial monogamist for years, and all but one of those relationships ended with a slap in the face. (not literally, obviously) and your point about needing something and finding it in your partner without knowing or seeing it, that hits home too. Mr. Stabler came…

Ask the cute guy behind the counter at the coffee shop which roast is best, grunts, says “they’re all fine I guess.” #banalmen

Husband falls asleep on the armchair after promising me nookie when I get home #banalmen

Hey, thanks!!
I love it, it's kind of my go-to shade at the moment.

YOU ARE A GENIUS JIM