Ewww, he's got stripper all over over hands.

No, YOU read like Dadaist poetry!… Um, what's Dadaist poetry?

The English, fortunately, aren't put off in the least by a stultifying lack of personality, character or charm. She's perfect for him!

I just hope you're not considering anything drastic, with sleeping pills?!! I suggest you first try PEZ. PEZ makes everything better!

I'd love to see her twin 24 inch pythons!… No, no I wouldn't.

That quaint and modest rock assemblage is obviously a touchingly understated but potently meaningful marker memorializing the precise moment in time at which The AV Club officially and irreparably jumped the shark into complete and utter irrelevance, spiraling inexorably down to its own miserably inconsequential…

So, a better meal than a movie.

I think it really doesn't hold up, at least no better than any other movie from that time. For example, I took my original $48 2001 Deluxe Edition DVD copy of Independence Day and strapped four M80 firecrackers to it, and it didn't hold up well at all. Nope, blew that hunk o' shit to smithereens, it did. Good riddance.

I see Goldblum more of a Jaz disk man, man.

Break it's multiple spindly, crab like scissoring appendages!!

I never saw the original, and just look at me now!!

Howard wasn't even a stand up comic! That's what so ridiculous about it. He'd go off on something that in no way affecting him personally.

That's what Howard was so contemptuous of, that one man, Johnny Carson, could personally make or break a comic's career. He believed that Johnny arrogantly thought of himself as the judge and jury ruling on all things comedic, and that Johnny was abusing his position of power to decide who deserved to succeed and who…

This is serious stuff of which we speak. Most serious.

I think that poem just infected my laptop with a virus. And softened my skull.

I worked with a guy who was a Renaissance Fair enthusiast and he and his wife were actors or performers there, in Bordentown, New Jersey. He was a mostly great guy, but he'd go off on the most ridiculously involved and tedious rants about the quality—or lack thereof more often—of other actor's authenticity in their…

It gave me the creeps. The caterpillar creeps!

Oh no. You read it to me.

I used to love hearing Howard Stern rant about what a goddamn arrogant smug bastard Johnny was for the way he'd either give the comic the OK sign if he liked their routine, or maybe, occasionally, if Johnny really liked the comic he'd wave them over to sit down on the couch. That pissed off Howard so much, as if…

I didn't really appreciate how great Johnny was at that seemingly simple task till after watching years and years of other late night hosts and then one day watching some of my father's video box collection of Johnny. I then saw how naturally and casually he made it all appear, and how good he was at putting his…