Better idea: maybe stop greenlighting Guy Ritchie movies for a little while, and by “a little while” I mean “for the span of his natural life.”

100000000% yes please hire me to do this.

There is a big market out there for parents who believe their children should suffer just a little bit on their birthdays. Would you considering opening yourselves up to that market by being rented out individually or as a team for “Live Blogging Experiences” at children’s birthday parties?