We should petition to move it to the Altamont Speedway.

Maybe it was better when you were there, but when I went there was a buttload of windchill, which is exactly what I would expect of a completely flat land mass built in the middle of the Bay.

Remember what Mark Twain said: "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco listening to Southern-gothic inspired lyrics and loop-pedal feedback."

Yeah, sometimes when I bitch about stuff like this I forget how good the Bay Area has it in terms of band tours always stopping by.

I was excited about this until I saw the San Francisco date was at the Treasure Island Music Festival, otherwise known as "the coldest venue for watching live music on the entire planet". Plus the acoustics will probably suck. Plus no Atlas Sound opener.

It's sort of like how you would avoid making cancer jokes around an acquaintance whose mother just died of cancer. Of course it's not going to help cure cancer; it's just the thing to do as a decent human being.

"So wouldn’t it have been a good idea for her to fuck that guy before she went into the pool, so then at least two people could see the thing? It’s not like she’d have been tricking him into it. It’s what I would’ve done."

I wouldn't call it ambitious. In fact Jackson just seemed tired of that entire world.

From the first two movies I assumed Jackson had carte blanche to brutalize orcs in the most horrific ways possible and never get an R rating.

Duke is simply introducing these new students to the longstanding college tradition of coming up with excuses to not do the reading.

The sexiest kind of victory antiquity has to offer.

It's because they don't get to keep the capital that is the result of their labor. Any bee Marxist would know that.

I don't think she ever said he didn't do it. She definitely never said he didn't do it "because he's a really nice guy".

Something something riding Channing Tatum's excitebike.

The action climax will be Oddjob hand chopping Pierce Brosnan's legs until he dies.

With ideas like that, you're well on your way to clickbait stardom.

Hopefully you remind them that, being such a versatile legume, potatoes can be boiled, mashed, or even, improbably, stuck in a stew—depending on their preference.

"Do something!" —From MST3K Manos the Hands of Fate. This is particularly applicable in my car during commute.

I can't make or eat a dish that contains po-ta-toes without saying this at least once.

Mostly it makes me feel stupid to waste that much aluminum just to get buzzed.