“WE HAVE TRIED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM AND WE ARE ALL OUT OF IDEAS!”

This should be the dream. Play in college, get drafted, get a nice contract, and then never have to actually play a single punishing down of game speed NFL football. He still made a very solid 20 years worth of normal income

Yeah, this guy was a third round pick, the Pats typically wait for the fourth round to take murderers.

Dwight: I swear I’m not crippled and I’m super depressed about my career.

Get this feel goody shit out of here man. WE CAME TO HATE.

What might not suck: They opened a sensory room at Lincoln for for fans with autism and other sensory issues who need to take a break without having to exit the stadium. I know we are supposed to be dragging them but Swoop has headphones on and that’s fucking adorable.

It wasn’t always mom jeans..

Deep-fired chicken foot, eh?

You see, THESE tropes aren’t anti-Semitic, because he learned them from Stephen Miller and Ben Shapiro, so it’s not nearly as bad as the time Ilhan Omar referenced the hook to a rap song.

And honestly the thing to do if you see someone on FaceTime while driving is sideswipe them as hard as possible without hurting anyone and then collecting some sweet insurance money. What’s their defense going to be if they dispute the claim, when you can just say they were on FaceTime and not paying attention?…

Uhhh, if someone is on FaceTime in the gym locker room you call fucking security. That’s not remotely acceptable.

If I came home and found my ex-gfs sitting around drinking MY tea and my wife and daughter are missing, I’d probably first ask them what gives them the right to just take MY TEA.  You couldn’t ask first?  You knew that was the tea that I bought for myself for when I get stressed out, but you just went ahead and took…

I have a friend who regularly saves drunk weekend tubers after they’ve floated downstream and into the Arizona desert. One girl told him she thought the river just circled around and you’d float back to your original spot. You can’t make this stuff up.

I’m betting he can afford to buy a second ticket to get back in, then show his previous ticket to get to his original seat. I’m also guessing that the ticket takers and ushers stop caring after about the 10th inning.

I’ll just repost my comment from yesterday:

The State of Israel is an oppressive, apartheid regime and the US should stop supporting it until it cleans up its shit.