Was it a blunt sword?

I don’t know what kind of parties you think white people are having. I read this and was like, “Wow, the stars may actually be ‘just like us,’ but the aristocracy certainly isn’t.”

Is there any truth to this autism rumor with Barron Trump? The first time I heard about it was after the election. Are people making assumptions based on the few vids they had of him from election night or is there something substantial?

Tom Hanks is our dad and Tim Kaine is our stepdad (but the good kind of stepdad that buys you gifts to win your love). Joe Biden is our crazy uncle who takes us on inappropriate road trips.

I thought he went by Chet Haze?

Not a lot of shade this week. Just one ruling for!

Kara; “ 2016 Lindsay Lohan and her bootleg Madonna-goes-to-Pemberley accent”. What an ace, mate.

“It like taking a sip of chilled sauvignon blanc while stepping“ [sic]

Wow! a man willing to discuss his penis! what a rare treat ladies!

What is in the water there? Be safe.

Apply rubber band to base of turkey to account for inevitable bleeding, hold the turkey by the tip, pull until tissue is taut, pull the blade towards yourself in a brief sawing motion, smile, “gobble gobble motherfucker” when turkey rips free from body.

10,000 years and counting.

Carving instructions by Lorena.

I like how this story is being posted right as everyone is about to carve the turkey.

At least you plan to go to the sink like a civilized person. I work till ten, and my plan when I get home is dragging a chair to the fridge and dipping leftover turkey straight from it’s foil cocoon into an old margarine tub filled with cranberry sauce. I will however class it up by drinking my bourbon from a glass. I…

I’m pregnant and have no time for sandwich-making. I shall be eating leftovers as I always do, cold, right out of the off-brand tupperware, standing over the sink. Come at me.

Poor Kanye. I spent two weeks in the psych ward over Christmas last year, they don’t keep people on big holidays unless it is serious. I’m a bit of a Kanye stan, so I am really pulling for him, and I hope the non-fans can treat this situation with the respect it deserves, mental illness is no joke.

Given that he just released a huge album and was in the middle of a super-profitable tour, I have no idea.

Ugh, Lena Dunham, Canada doesn’t want you.