Good set up, but it still feels forced. I would work on your gravitas, and fewer cliches often works to convince people you are serious. Needs improvement.

Word up right? I mean my coworkers will insist on getting me an ice cream cake, but...ice cream cake justifies itself. It's a cake with ice cream yo. Extra health insurance on top. Good stuff.

Fuck. 27 years old? Her quotes make her sound like she's a 17 year old hipster brat.

They've tried, but she can't accept freebies.

i don't think they accept clothing for free. everything she wears, she bought herself.

Chris Martin: the philosopher we deserve.

People forget that Clooney was married before, to Talia Balsam. But she bounced back.

"I thought it might be a little broad." Um, Jon? The term is "woman". Sexist.

Interesting. I have yet to convince my trainer that he should accept payment in profanity, but he might be amenable to tears....

I love the name Otis because I immediately think of Otis Spunkmeyer and then I think of cookies and then I eat all the cookies.

This will be Ryan's first big role in years. The girlfriend of John Mellencamp

That is not a "random baby" Chrissy Teigen! That is dopplebaby and he is adorable!

I'm just gonna put this here......

RIGHT?! That is actually the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

"You want a ticket that represents men and women."

Plenty of people say dumbass things when they are young before they learn about the way the world works. I'd love to see her come around.

Nowadays I think the kids are calling it a "Dirty Sanchez" and it costs at least $50.

I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.

I know we hate Taylor, but if she really is reading feminist literature on her own volition, and expresses some desire to incorporate that into her public utterances, I'm willing to reconsider the stance on behalf of everyone. Thanks for putting me in charge of membership, guys!

There's no way to politely recline your seat on somebody, unless they're really short (i.e. a child) so won't care. If they aren't, it's a given that you reclining the seat will make their flight more unpleasant.