AGREED I effing haaaate that dumbass movie and could never understand my friend’s obsession with it in high school. Thought I’d escaped it when we split for college, but ALAS I went to Mount Holyoke, so guess what, like, everyone’s faaaaaaavorite lame ass movie was and oh also guess what you’re watching during…

Right? The only thing is her grandma hair, and isn’t that what wigs are for? Give her a sleek beach wave and get Tom his look from Collateral. They’ll be fine.

I am indeed a failure as an American parent.

My in-laws are Franco-American, which means everything is butter butter butter butter canned. Uphill battles!

My pediatrician also recommended a little Miralax mixed into her milk when we went through that.

Yes, but there’s a later retreat from that adventurous eating. At about 12-18 months old, toddlers will become reluctant to try new things and even withdraw from things they used to eat out of survival instinct. Newly mobile tiny humans are going to stick to the safe, non-plant looking stuff so that as they toddle…

Holy shit you are a mad genius

THANK YOU I AM DEAD

Do your badass thing and play chicken with your windshield wipers all you want but, for the love of all that is sunshine and soft puppies, TURN YOUR FUCKING HEADLIGHTS ON.

Bras are the worst.

It’s the second, glorious coming of DashCon and I cannot get enough.

My officemate got a New Yorker cartoon-of-the-day calendar, I believe because she thought it would be as highbrow and hilarious as my Shakespearean Insult-of-the-day calendar. Sir, it is neither.

...it’s possible we are both pretentious assholes.

I grew up in a household that REFUSED to buy any kind of boxed mix or pre-made whatever, because food that is already half-cooked is for savages, or something; it was a long time before I could come around to the idea that buying minced garlic in a jar didn’t mean I loved my family less.

You gotta open the throat.

For me, it’s Biz-Cas-Fri I come back to, over and over.

A+ use of gif.

If the administration is indicted for treason on Day 99, I’d consider that a resounding success.

BUT YOU BETTER NOT GIVE YOUR KIDS A SLUT SHOT NUH UH

From the headline, I thought she was literally using/had used Entourage to ruin his life, and I was going to make a crack about “Entourage even still relevant by the time Tinder was a thing?” but...alas.

Why? It’s not like methane emissions have any effect.