I decided to rule on them all:

Totally dropped the ball — which is dumb; I read your stuff every time, not least because it reminds me why I’m happy I don’t work in restaurants anymore....

*fidgets uncomfortably, wonders how long I should wait to bust out the Truly Horrifying Restaurant Stories entry (which amazingly is different from the Stories of Restaurant Employees Losing Fingers entry which I somehow also have enough submissions for)*

OH MY GOD IT’S SO FUCKING DUSTY IN HERE

This is incredible and I wish you’d e-mailed it to me.

omg noooooooo my heart

I remember my first day of high school I accidentally left my Star Wars paperback in math class. I would hold it under my desk so no one could see me reading. It was a really good book. The next day the teacher starts off class by asking if anyone left their book behind. I was terrified I had written my name in it or…

That story about the woman who got doused with red wine? I had a similar experience and similarly laughed it off. As a server was setting a nice large martini (with a lemon twist, not an olive) in front of me his hand trembled for some reason and the whole thing went down the front of my shirt. The look of horror on…

Wait till the attacks on yoga. The pants are the only reason we keep your kind around.

This is a sore point for me. I developed after high school. I focused on my social skills so superficially I seem normal. All this makes people believe I’m not a nerd. Fuck all y’all! I was hiding in the library reading Asimov et al throughout my school years. No I did not Larp or play dungeons and dragons but I read…

What about Chris Hardwick, the Nerdist himself? He’s my King of the Nerds <3

Calling yourself a nerd seems like a humblebrag way to claim brains and depth.

A moose ate him.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

EVERYTHING about that makes my cold little heart burst with joy and real tears come to my eyes, oh my god. All of the shit that couple has probably had to put up with for 40 years, the kindness from a stranger I wasn’t expecting kindness from (I’m an asshole), the special leis (because why the hell not!?)...you win…

Thank you BCO! As a single mom of a rambunctious 2 year old I know that 1) she’s just going to be an asshole in restaurants. period. and 2) the only way she’ll learn not to be an asshole in restaurants is if I take her to eat out and teach her the rules. I order her food first, bring my own sippy cup with milk so she…

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

I used to work at Starbucks, most often opening with a supervisor. One cold winter Canadian morning, I arrive to open and my supervisor is not there. I wait a little then call her, repeatedly, with no answer. Now I only live about 3 blocks away, so I could walk home, but I don’t want to be accused of leaving or not…

Karen here, it was a Ruth’s Chris and the guys stiffed me on the bill, but luckily since it’s a chain and the managers are great, they didn’t expect me to pay for the meal, and let me keep the money as tip.

The woman in Valerie’s story has a brilliant idea. Nobody would turn down an apology pizza. An apology pizza could end wars.