oh god what if the kid got away with like

Are we STILL doing "the gay agenda" thing? Seriously? THE GAYS, OMG THEY'RE GONNA GETCHA. OOOooOOOoOoooOOOooo [making oogly-boogly finger wiggles here] [also rolling eyes because oh for fuck's sake].

Yeah, and they're all like "let's get him fired!" like screwing with some schmuck's livelihood over five bucks is so cool and clever. Fucking lowlife slabs of shit.

If the company can't afford a $10 tip on pizza, they aren't giving out raises or bonuses.

I looked at a car there last month and regretted it. Super bro-y. The salesman kept disappearing, leaving me waiting at the desk for at least five minutes at a time, even when I just asked for a business card. He and his manager tried every trick in the book to keep from giving me a price. I eventually gave them a…

Pizza guy.

To the people harassing the pizza guy:

On the several occasions that I've paid with the company card, I always make a point to tip more than usual. It's not my money, so I don't lose much sleep.

First and most importantly, as a former pizza delivery person fuck those cheap entitled assholes.

I tried to answer some of the questions to myself and found that I could only answer about a third of the Set 1 questions. I am allegedly a shallow husk of a human being with no conscious experience or capability of introspection or self-reflection.

In the sense that I appreciate a lot more about myself, it did! It was really interesting to see how I narrated my own life and which questions created detailed answers. I think the staring at my eyes in the mirror for 4 minutes was the hardest part because I kept wanting to brush my teeth or play with my hair.

Don't leave us hanging- did it work?

I am a total dork and tried to answer all of these questions independently to see if I could fall in love with myself.

Yeah I think parents go looking for the "terrible twos." I've had the moms of 18 month olds explain their kids behavior that way and moms of 3 year olds do the same. I think it's just short hand for the realization that you can't force another sentient being into doing something of their own free will if they don't…

Word to that. I had my two best guy friends as my attendants (the third was denied parole and wasn't out until 6 months after the wedding, which was sad but mitigated by his eventual release!) and it was perfect and easy.

OMG routine is GOD. And my kids are older, STILL god.

This article came along at the exact right time in my life. I just started learning ALL this stuff, because I just had a kid, and I realized I prooooobably shouldn't feed her Hot Pockets. So yea, my freezer is now all meat, and my pantries are now all uncooked starches. I even have a bag of potatoes! If you would have…

I put myself on a weekday fast food ban not long ago, and the biggest secret I can share is "Simple, filling, fresh." I go to Safeway every Sunday and pick up a pack of sirloin pork chops (much richer flavor than center-cut, if a bit tougher, and oh by the way $2.50 a pound less), a pack of stadium brats (perfect for…