Burneko, I love you as a wordsmith. You are a legitimately fantastic author that brings a blend of furiousity and earnest to almost all of your articles.

You leave Mike Gundy alone.

I tried to explain to my ex why players hold out. Somehow you perfectly summed up that whole discussion in about 4 sentences. She did not agree with us.

Yu say that now, but will you be singing the same tune when they actually go 0-16 without a Super Bowl win? Didnt think so.

Gritty looks like a rejected monster design from Earnest Scared Stupid. Honestly, that movie was terrifying enough without Gritty.

You can absolutely win a Super Bowl every week. You just need to be unemployed, still enjoy Madden football and play on the easiest difficulty.

Brian McCann sits in the shadows and waits.

It's weird, I would say the reason for this is that God hates Cleveland. However, God also hates Oakland. It's like if this were a battle between two Cains and no Able.

Tubisky is on record for how much he loves kissing TiDdies.

God, please let the A's beat the Yankees. We have so little. Please give the spirit of Ken Tremendous and Dak life again.

“Kids: don’t take risks [on fourth down].”

“Blame the girls.”

This just awful. There is no joke to riff off of here.

This is ridiculous! I don’t even care that two women are getting married and choosing to share a life together. But both of them are wearing white? That is so gouache.

Except, they are given a choice. These people hate that women are an option.

This reminds me of Mark Sanchez so so much.

Women leading armies during the Roman era isn’t entirely without precedent. Plus, IT IS A FUCKING VIDEO GAME. What is wrong with these people?

There are a few things here:

He’s probably been sitting on this joke for 20 years.

He’s played one game....