Mork Encino's Thick Pelt's saved articles

Specifically Michiganders, who are not much more than petulant children with fully-grown adult bodies.

So lets get this straight here. Read more

I’m surprised those two haven’t gotten together yet but I’ve noticed Miley likes more “traditionally handsome” guys. I think she prefers to be the messy one in the relationship.

Cyrus seems like the very definition of “high maintenance.” I look forward to reading about her inevitable (short, disastrous) relationship with Pete Davidson.

Paris Hilton was an omen none of us heeded. 

Go slap a cop on the ass and let me know how well that works out for you. 

Don’t worry. Your bartender drinks the cheap shit too. 

Are there seriously customers that are terrified they might lose the admiration of the bartender?

Psst, Riding the Rails...lean over here. They stock the expensive stuff for show, not the cheap stuff. If they didn't want you ordering it, they wouldn't have it. 

Congratulations, MeatyBallz! You have officially written the absolute stupidest fucking comment I’ve ever read on this website!

Correct answer: When the responding officer arrived at the scene, he took one look at Suzy and decided that based on her appearance she must have been asking for it. Based on this assumption, he never offered to collect a rape kit. He gathered no physical evidence, made one attempt to get a copy of the video from the… Read more

She was called for jury duty on Monday, did her civic duty and showed up for jury selection, was apparently kept on despite knowing the accused and several potential witnesses, then was officially dismissed when called back again today. Read more

What a stupid thing to write. Read more

You sent your daughter to private Christian school, that openly displayed and attracted like-minded parents with its intolerance and stupidity. Read more

How is this not a question? Like, you’re implying that the answer is blindingly obvious. But I was honestly 50-50 on which way Salty was going to with it.

Agree.

6 minutes, and depending on the restaurant 

This is a casual little column about restaurant etiquette. It’s literally sweating the small stuff. Why take it caps lock intensely when it’s free and you don’t have to read it?  People who constantly complain about the questions here are exhausting. 

What I hate is the Internet as a tool for people to demonstrate how bad they are at constructing logical parallels and analogies.

Wow, this is the first sane question I’ve seen in this column. I too am not sure where the boundary is between “late enough to call” and “too early, you’re just annoying the staff.”