I think most of your responses are going to come after 9 pm.

Know Your Rights

The Grammys have never been relevant.

The appeal of sister relationships are, IMO, why the Kardashians are so popular.

Hurry. Canada might start thinking about building a wall soon.

RIP Mary ...

Right — it’s sort of like rewarding a murderer for being bad at murdering.

I’m guessing it is because the victim lived and so it’s attempted murder and not murder. It’s a weird distinction because “attempted murder” just means you failed in your goal of committing “murder.” But (and I’m not a lawyer or judge) I’m guessing that life sentences are for murderers, not attempted murderers.

It doesn’t matter what I call her. What does fucking matter is that I only call her twice a week ... and that’s not enough. I know you have to work Mork and that you’re busy with your own family ... BUT I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!! YOU CAN’T FIND FIVE MINUTES TO CALL ME MORE THAN TWICE A WEEK? FINE, DON’T CALL ME. DON’T…

Based on that picture, I’m guessing they’ll have to impanel a jury for this one.

Front Row, L-R: Tim Scott, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio

You kids with your Deadspins and your Bleacher Reports.

This is the end, beautiful friend, this is the end.

Matthew 6:24 applies as well:

redacted — someone else posted the link

I’m married.

Half a dozen or so ... not that many, but more than zero.

What is the upside again?

I would end my friendship with the groom, dissolve my relationships with his entire family and agree to never again speak to any and all of our mutual friends before I would perform in a choreographed dance at his wedding.