The script is not entirely full of shit, surprisingly. Mostly, yes, but not entirely. It’s referring to the DNSSEC Root Signing Ceremony, which is run by the Internet Assigned Numbers Authority. It involves 7 different people doing an elaborately tamper-proofed update of one of the top level Domain Name System servers…

Perhaps, having realized that every woman he sleeps with turns evil, Gordon has decided to just skip right to the femme fatale and save everyone a lot of angst in the process.

“But actually Bernie, our most interesting find is that you’re also related to Donald Trump.”

Which is hilarious because Trek and X Files are essentially the origin of modern piracy practices.

The sense I get is that the Star Trek show is being used to launch the streaming service. They know there’s a very limited number of shows that will have a built in fanbase no matter what, and Star Trek is one, so the theory is that some number of hardcore trekkies will subscribe just for that.

What? You expect these autonomous car jokes to just write themselves?

I believe they prefer the term “multi-level motivators”

someone sent an anonymous letter to the president of the university alleging that the team was involved in a prostitution ring,

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Amazingly, the dazed birds were cleared to fly again only minutes later, after passing through the NFL’s (very rigorous) Avian Concussion Protocol.

The 14 stunned birds were later quoted as saying “They were so good at the beginning of the season, what the fuck happened?!”

Do they not have tacos in Argentina?

4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

I’m torn. I’m a veteran of the 1st Iraq Shit Show and the Cold War. I didn’t join out of patriotism, I was in a crappy small town and I wanted out. It worked. Being the military actually MADE me a Liberal. (Kind of hard to hate people for the color of their skin when you share a life with them, hard to hate…

He sounds great. When is his confirmation hearing?

Your secret is safe with us Eli

I don’t even see the Matrix code anymore. All I see is... blonde, brunette, redhead...

That’s no moon. . . .

Man, why is Deadspin covering bullshit like this. What about sports? Why can’t we have a “Best QB’s of the 80's” post? Like remember Warren Moon?

“Yankees are a bunch of douchebags” - sing it to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song..it’s fun!