My house in Santa Cruz is so small that in some ways, you could say it is non-existent. I feel that my infinitesimally small Santa Cruz house is proof of my virtue and humble ways. I AM JUST LIKE YOU, ORDINARY PEOPLE.

Did you see the bill for lunch (published as a sidebar to the interview)? $118.00 for two people. For lunch. A fish and pasta dish, fruit salad, 2 diet Cokes and 1 tea.

Quick. Have we ever seen Franzen and LaBeouf in the same room?

“I’m a poor person who has money.”

I’ll allow it.

Your family claims yoir workers as independent contractors while they are truly employees, thus putting the tax burden on them. So they have to save to pay taxes, so they make even less. Not to mention that those long hours that the employees spend cleaning up and opening and doing extra stuff are not paid at all. At…

Wow. Sounds like you and your family are ok with breaking federal labor laws. And you’re bragging about it. Jesus.

So your counter-argument is, “That detailed article about a year-and-a-half long examination of hundreds of salons in New York City is inaccurate because I know some people in Chicago who don’t do that.”

My parents were landlords who treated their tenants with respect and dignity, therefore all landlords are that way, right? Can’t see past your own driveway, can you?

It’s hard for me to feel sorry for people who are protesting their right to treat workers like indentured servants, and offensive that they are invoking the “women business owners” bit.

“This is getting posted somewhere, and you’re gonna look like a fuckin’ tool”

“I don’t know why I said this.”

Right. It’s never their fault ever. It’s always someone else doing the excluding.

But the cynical side of me thinks it was included because he felt he had made his point well and wanted the world to hear it.

So, he’s not a spineless, self-absorbed sleaze.....he’s doing it for parenthood, see....he’s a Hero!

“I don’t like the concept of monogamy, but I DO like letting my wife believe I do so she’ll be home with a hot dinner waiting for me at night, keeping the house clean and parenting my children so I have plenty of time and mental space to obsess about what else I deserve out of life.”

“So eventually I came to the conclusion that I needed a side thing to be happy and signed up on Ashley Madison. I considered divorce but there really wasn’t massive personal discord. I mean, we don’t connect anymore, not in the same way, but we don’t hate each other. And ultimately the role we play together as parents…

“So that I can seek out potential pussy options”

Well, I know it’s going to be easy to criticize this guy and everything he did but, in fairness, I think he did a great job directing Argo.

That’s ridiculous. I’ve published two novels with one of the Big Five and I got my (very well-known) agent via unsolicited query. I have many friends who’ve done the same. If you’re unknown, and 99% of us are at the beginning, that’s the only way.