WORD!

Well said!

That’s just deplorable. I’ve heard so many stories like that.

It’s no problem. I understand the perspective of people saying that it’s harmless fun (because that is what it looks like to me, too) but without stringent rules about consent, the things us kinky people do can very easily stray into neglect, exploitation, and abuse.

Thank you for sharing your perspective on this. This was really helpful as I was approaching the situation solely from the perspective of a bystander. Thanks for the context!

Yep. Dan Savage nailed this one: you don’t involve other people in your playtime without their fucking permission.

First, I kind of wanted to address the idea that it might not be sexual. I’m a kinkster, and I can only speak to my own experience. But the whole idea of a “fetish” is that it’s a pretty non-sexual thing that, for whatever reason, becomes sexual for those involved in it. Even if it isn’t explicit, it’s still sexual to…

Thanks for that link. Dan does a great job of explaining why this behavior is not ok in public.

Thanks, you just put the exact words on my feelings.

Agree. I’m in the scene and I believe strongly in the boundary between private and public. I’ve seen dommes humiliate their subs in a way that makes cashiers and servers uncomfortable, seen one dom spank his sub in a steakhouse while she squeaked “Daddy, no!” and have witnessed a man making his girlfriend/sub sit on…

It makes me mad when people like these two do pet play and sub/dom (and possibly humiliation) play in public and are then like, “What? We’re not doing anything!” It’s like when you were a kid and your sibling held their finger a millimeter from your eye and kept saying, “I’m not touching you!”

100% Agree. By walking someone on a leash in public you are making everyone you come into contact with part of the subs humiliation. Your reactions be they positive or negative become part of the sexual experience of the BDSM, and the bystanders in the mall did not consent to be part of that experience. If a couple…

I could care less what consenting adults do in their home or in public spaces that are designed for this kind of play. But I would rather not be part of someone’s fetish without consent. Part of walking her on the leash in public is about getting a charge from people’s reactions.

That example “explanation” you gave for parents to use in this instance would have been met with follow-up questions by any child. These people are attention-whores, not sexually oppressed weirdos. You are really stretching it with your arguments to make this situation seem as if it should be totally acceptable. Their…

That’s what I was about to say. .

I’ve been active in the BDSM scene for more than 10 years, and while I wholeheartedly approve of petplay and such, there is no way to solicit consent from passersby and therefore it’s inappropriate. Whether you practice RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) or SSC (Safe-Sane-Consensual), consent is absolutely necessary.…

I have a friend who has these kind of relationships and I make clear I want nothing to do with being around while they’re in the “zone” so to speak.

Yeah I think the “their just playing” explanation would work on a young kid but good luck satisfying a 1o year-old with that answer. Not saying it would traumatize your child for life or anything but puppy play and dominant/submissive role playing is sorta advanced sex/human psychology to get into when you were just…

THIS. I don’t want to see this shit, and I don’t think it’s asking too much to expect others to not inflict this sort of “play” on people who haven’t consented to be involved.

While I think open conversations are an important part of parenting, I think it’s kind of disingenuous to claim a parent can just tell their child that the man walking a woman on a leash around the mall is just “make believe.” Kids generally know that normal adults don’t usually play make believe in public and walk…