Right? Like I actually kind of liked Crime and Punishment, or at least would have, but I had to write insane papers about how the main character was Jesus when I don’t remember anywhere in the Bible about JC axing 2 old ladies and freaking out when he got their blood in his socks.

And that’s my first belly laugh of the day, thank you sir or ma’am! Good Luck with Call of the Wild 2: Studio Apartment Edition.

Nah, you’re not a curmudgeon; I mean it’s Batman. Why does he have a big old gun and not a bat boomerang or some shit? (Which I concede miiight make it sillier, but come on, it’s a 50-year old man dressed like a bat)

I saw Joy as it was meant to be seen, in an airplane while drunk on the finest white wine Sutter Home has to offer.

Let me add my voice to the “I’m so sorry this is happening” chorus. I have no idea what insanity has possessed so much of America, but I do know that if anybody tries this shit in front of me, we will have words. And then we won’t because I will be busy with mauling them, as per the proud American tradition of…

Not at all hijacking - your job - and you - sound amazing. “Sometimes the UN calls me for favors” -If that were at all true in my life, I would have it tattooed on my forehead. So virtual firm handshake my Internet hero(ine), it’s always been on my bucket list to somehow meet Indiana Jones and I just did, so thank you…

I’m so sorry about the mass graves, I truly am. But also - God I hope I don’t offend with this - your description of yourself makes you sound motherf*cking Indiana Jones and I am amazed and humbled.

Jesus Christ stop typing out the full word. You want white privilege? There you go, continually typing it out despite the fact you know it’s going to bother people. QUIT IT.

Honestly, I think my tastes are super pedestrian, if the whole movie had been her making out with Chris Pine, beating people up with the theme music just blaring, then rinse and repeat and rinse and repeat until it just sort of ends, I would have been just fine with that.

Ermmmmm.... “your underage daughter could have done it” sure sounds like a threat to me, given the source. Also, why is the world conspiring to make me have some respect for Megyn Kelly? 2017 is such a weird f&*$ing year, I have no words.

Well, I think our choices are very much shaped by our environment and who we’re surrounded by. It probably doesn’t help matters that the best and the brightest typically flee for the cities post-haste. My point - which may have been lost because I was super tired last night - is that I think it’s a trap to lump…

Oh yeah, I mean, those people who said racist stuff about Obama can get bent. But alas, half of my family are in deep red territory and just vote down the line for Republicans because that’s what you do. Very best friend voted for Trump to.. They are good people who would have your back in a moment, they just made a…

I understand your frustration, I really truly do, and I’m pretty upset about this as well. But here’s me, god, standing up for folks in red states. At the end of the day, we’ve all been hopelessly divided by rhetoric that yes, is largely driven by assholes like Rush and Trump and O’Reilly screaming falsehoods at folks…

My God, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with such hate. I’ll tell you the people that do that are the shittiest of shitty people, and it has nothing to do with your intrinsic value (high!) and everything to do with theirs (almost nothing!) I wish I could say more/find something to say that was a bit more…

I tell you, the only silver lining in this for me, on an entirely selfish level, is I have been screaming about Russia to anybody who will listen - and also people who won’t - since February. Something’s wrong, you guys, listen to me, it’s Russia, I’m not craaazy! And so I ask my critics, who’s the lunatic now?

First and probably most importantly, love the username. LOVE IT. (Are these little demons coming out of my phone? I don’t know! I’m just a caveman)

Whenever I have to make up a fake boyfriend, his name is Steve and he plays football. RIP Steve, your guts ended up on the lawn but you’re still number one to me.

I literally could not wait for this movie to come out as the advertisements would not stop playing in front of my music and I just wanted it to end. While I would be driving home, I would often think to myself “what moron approved of a whole movie where the entire premise is ‘what would happen if that character who…

It rhymes with Prussia! Also, I know this is an odd request, but dude, bring back the spray tan. Your natural skin is freaking me the hell out.

The world is a cold, dark place.