Other possible burner accounts:

I think my brain just deleted the commas when reading and couldn't make the long mash of words compute. I get it now. And now I feel dumb for posting a comment declaring how dumb I am.

Are you unfamiliar with the phrase "long on _________, short on _________"? It's a fairly common colloquial construction.

It isn't often I would support dressing up like a giant chicken and stalking a guy you saw on the internet, but this is definitely one of those times.

"Peter Griffin? WHERE?!"

Bravo to whichever commenter decided to create a burner for this.

"How's Meg?" "...who cares?" was probably the single best moment of this whole thing. This guy is fantastic. He should really do voice work.

So this explains your delightful sass. Groundwater chemicals in dear ole Frederick spawn hilariously salty writers, apparently.

Obligatory.

You can expect to be hearing from my attorneys as well.

Probably not. He probably thinks purple is pronounced "Delauter".

Kirby Delauter definitely cannot answer what is purple

Your rights stop where mine start...is this one of those yielding-to-oncoming-traffic situations? Or a priesthood quibble over funeral scripture? Those are the only situations bringing sense to that.

U MAD, bro?

I'm curious.

Also note that the first letter of every paragraph spells out KIRBY DELAUTER. Genius.