Just give me an entire movie based around Chelsea Peretti.

YER A JESUS, HARRY.

I've been hearing about this shit for two days now thanks to my girlfriend, who is goddamned obsessed. She also claims that for some reason, the author refers to Gryffindors or Slytherins as "Gryffindor Hats" and "Slytherin Hats" which bothers me WAY more than it has any right to, like a persistent nail dragging…

Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

Wow, how blunt of her.

Half sleeve, back piece, graduate level education and upper management position. Pretty sure I haven't served a latte to anyone in probably 20 years. I'll have a good laugh at your post with my similarly tattooed accountant later, though.

Yes, because all people with tattoos get the based only on how others will perceive them and not for any personal reason what so ever.

These Derek Jeter send-offs just get more and more emotional.

Just curious, how many people will actually find the empty home screen an important and useful feature?

Listen, last month you overhauled your entire comment system to prevent people from posting stomach-churning images of overweight whores shoveling a bunch of diarrhea into their mouths, and now you're doing it yourselves? Make up your mind!

I'm starting to think that Goodell and the NFL are lying about their handling of the Ray Rice incident.

**

Their earlier tweets are pretty corny and tone-deaf. But, to be fair, they say that delivery is 90% of comedy, and DiGiorno doesn't do delivery.

Berman: When Ray Rice entered the elevator, he swung at Janey and she went back-back-back-back-back-back-back to the wall.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

@SI_PeterKing:

My fiancé and I were spearing fish in the Bahamas last Thursday. She went down about 30 feet and speared a nice snapper, but was too tired to bring the fish up herself. So she came to the surface and I went down to get the fish. I brought the fish up and handed her the spear with the fish on it. As she was swimming…

Fisherman: Holy hell! That thing is huge!

I just love Taylor. I really, really do.