The truth: too many government ears around him. The story: trying to allow the Secret Service to survive having spent their entire budget following his father’s fat ass as it waddles around golf courses.

“You met with Trump and you call that resistance?”

9 electoral votes for Trump in 2016. They weren’t alone, but they certainly helped steer the bus into a tree.

So if a plugin just randomizes browsing accounts, could it screw up the advertiser’s user profile models? That would be fun.

Dear, Mr. President, please sign this bill that weakly spanks you on the hand.

This time, it should actually be Affleck and Damon playing Bluntman and Chronic in the inevitably “dark and gritty” Reboot.

I love the novel “It!” (apart from the aforementioned sex scene). But the honest truth is that King has never written children well. He writes little adults who like fart jokes. The sometimes talk like kids, they sometimes act like kids, but they never respond like kids. They react the same way his adult heroes do.

This was Stephen King at the height of The Eighties, man. No editor in the world would have dared contradict him.

At that point of his career, King’s opinion pretty much override any concept any editor had. Remember, King was the textbook definition of the “Name Above The Title” authors, quite possibly the first of them. The man wrote with the velocity of a monkey on crack, and no matter what he wrote, it got published, because…

Sumlin is one of the best analysts in college sports. If you watch almost any Aggie game for the past five years, A&M has come into the first half better prepared than their opponent - and for two quarters, they usually breeze through them. The problem is that almost every single time, their opponent makes…

Mario began his career as Fixit-Felix.

Contestant number 2, are you not, in fact, a global roomba?

Cross pollination.

If I lived in constant fear of insane conspiracy theories AND negative feedback from my own astoundingly unethical behavior, I’d be terrified of reality too.

Oh, don’t worry about education: Betsy DeVos just hired the CEO of DeVry to investigate education fraud - including DeVry.

I’m waiting for some jackass to claim that a well-designed wall would have kept the floodwaters out.

So, 40 months in prison for the engineer “tasked with” coming up with the hack. How much time for the executives that gave him that order?

Q.

If your plan is to keep “criminals” from getting their hands on guns, just how did they become “criminals”? Congress is only looking to prevent second offenses? Thanks a lot, Ryan. You’re a big help.

Better make sure that black cloth is flame retardant.