Honestly, the way things are going, you’d best squirrel it away so you can by ineffectual health insurance this time next year.

OR BLOW IT ON AN iPHONE!

I’m so depressed I never find Obama in my microwave. I check everyday and he’s never there.

That’s golden.

Look, clearly the president never said those things that he said. That’s clear. Remember this, because otherwise we’re just going to have to keep repeating this over and over and over again as the president continues to say things that he obviously will never have said. Just don’t take anything he says literally. …

Stockholm Syndrome will no longer be covered under Trumpcare.

I’m actually quite impressed he still seems to be taking it seriously and based on his physical appearance that it is taking a toll on him. I would have long since passed the point of having fucks to give. At this point I would just be trying to see how far I could go. “That’s a good question, it reminds me of this…

Those are your words. Your words! He’s quoting you. It’s your words, he’s using your words, when you said the words and he’s using them back, it’s circular using of the words and that’s from you.

There may be something to that. Here’s an article exploring their “relationship.” What stands out to me (besides the fact that Trump’s analysis shows he has absolutely no grasp of policy, economics, law, business, or language, and it is bizarre that people would ever ask him his opinion on anything) is that Trump…

Holy shit, I am so fucking sick of this.

He always means it when he says it. He just reserves the right to retroactively change his mind and to have meant something different after the fact.

I read this in the voice of Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer. Bang on.

I’ll throw in hope for Smeagol Spicer also having awful hemorrhoids along with a burning sensation when he pees

“When the president said he doesn’t like black people, what he meant was that he doesn’t like it when the lights are out in the White House and he can’t see anyone. To read anything else into his statement, ‘I Donald Trump, hate people with dark colored skin, specifically those who are descended from slaves forcefully…

In his heart of hearts, Trump knows he will never measure up to Obama, and that constant knowledge is killing him piece by piece.

You used those words. “Wiretapping” Wiretapping, you. You misconstrued. “Wiretapping”? When we use “quotations” anything inside them isn’t “literal.” When the media “quotes” us using “quotations” then there’s room for the “media” to lie about what we’re “accomplishing.” You did that.

Trump is basically trying to gaslight the entire country.

Jokes aside, it’s no small ordeal to accuse the president of spying on a presidential candidate

Clearly, Obama is tapping Trump’s brain wires, because Trump is bizarrely obsessed with Barack Obama.

I thought the beauty of Trump was that he says what he means.