(I wrote the following rant before noticing that the article refers to fancy restaurants. OK, noted. So the silverware is probably correctly arranged. But that’s about it: the rest of what I wrote still applies.)

I have a better suggestion— instead of pretending to be civilized when you’re in public places,which is bound to make you nervous as fuck, actually be civilized and practice good table manners every day, or at least regularly, so that you don’t have to fake it.