I literally got promoted from the greys yesterday, and I’m so excited!!! I was approved for years and then got mysteriously thrust back into the greys a few months ago. But I’m back, baby!

I would like to defend Pasek and Paul by noting that they only wrote the lyrics for La La Land.

I also watched Bad Moms on a plane. I’m glad I didn’t waste real time on it. I thought it was aggressively fine.

A whole week?! How generous.

Cottage cheese on a thick slice of juicy end-of-summer tomato and a shit-ton of cracked black pepper on top is basically heaven.

Slytherin is for people who DGAF about what other people think of them (unless other people think they’re awesome, obviously), are goal-oriented, and use whatever tactics are available to them to make sure they succeed. Slytherins rock.

I’m a Slytherin and sometimes a Ravenclaw! High five!

I support this. Chinese Cresteds looks insane and definitely need their own category.

Slytherin definitely gets pigeon-holed as the “evil” house, but I’ve always thought it was mostly for people who are ambitious and... not the friendliest. Slytherins DGAF if people like them; they just wanna get shit done.

I refuse to sign up for Pottermore just to take the damn quiz...but I really want to take the damn quiz.

Any other Jezzie Slytherins out there? We are simply misunderstood.

We Slytherins are simply misunderstood.

Oh, shit, I’d have such a hard time deciding who to throw my tomato at. Can I bring in a knife to cut my tomato into three pieces?

I will watch Pitch Perfect (the first one) any time it is available on an airplane.

The attorneys in the prosecutor’s office are undoubtedly enjoying this information. If he’s out teaching classes on sexual assault prevention, then he is clearly very familiar with what constitutes consent. They should use this to hammer him at trial.

Everyone (especially my MIL) would ask me what our “theme” was or our color scheme, and I said it was “Everything Look Nice.”

8 years later, I’m still not completely over my cousin wearing jeans and a sweater to our grandfather’s funeral.

Step 1: Don’t rape people.

If only I had a solution to it...

I strongly regret those summers I spent lifeguarding in SPF 15 applied once a day. :-(((