Our Pinkham in Kinja, hallowed be your name. Your thermosdome come, your steak be medium-rare, on Jezebel as in Kitchenette. Give us today our daily saved bread. Forgive us our steaks, as we forgive those who have Pinkham’s law’d against us. Lead us not into poop stories, but deliver us from crunchy allergies. For the…

Moms are neg ninjas.

Did you punch him right in the dick???

Forget the ridiculous third reason for a moment. Why do there seem to be so many otherwise intelligent people who don’t seem to understand that the vast majority of the time it’s not appropriate to act on your sexual impulses? Literally everyday of the week I work with and walk by women that I am attracted to,…

Hey, it’s on her to concoct a meal out of what is provided, and she did, so it’s all good. The problem would be if she tried to stop YOU eating the rest of it :)

I think I would be upset if most of my exes got engaged (I’m on okay terms with like two of them), but not because I love them deeply or anything. It would be because I find them to be entirely loathsome individuals and I want them to be alone and preferably miserable forever.
I am not as nice as I pretend to be.

My mom did that shit to me when I was a kid, on top of all sorts of other things. I’d come home to military school catalogs on the kitchen table. My heart breaks for this girl.

First off: APPLAUSE. Loved this, Sarah.

Life is too short to drink shitty wine. It really is.

I’d take a Sanders/O’Malley ticket if it beats all odds and becomes an option

BUT WHAT ABOUT FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION, MADELEINE

I am not otherwise OCD but when I buy Froot Loops (not very often) I have to make sure I have one and only one of each color/flavor on every spoonful. I will go to great lengths to make this happen. Also, I feel like it's cheating if I use any method to get the colors/flavors on my spoon besides just my spoon. It's a…

I'm a great Dad, yet I never get invited to orgies. What am I doing wrong?

Similar story. Different man. Recent break up and the only reason he didn't trash the apt is I broke up with him in public and literally ran to my car, leaving him stranded in another city at least 30 mins away from our apt. Police were called and as my name alone was on the lease, he had to go. I had enough time to…

Prescriptivists: never not on the wrong side of history.

Important question — Should I get that tattoo?

Catfish is an awesome show precisely because Nev is such a huge asshole. I will never forget the time he got pissed off at someone and just randomly threw their phone in the river.

I blame the glorification of thuggishness that pervades white culture...a level of disrespect that is too often passed down from white parents (especially white single parents) to their white children.

seriously. I got a horrible kidney infection because I let a UTI go on too long due to lack of insurance and fear of the doctors bills. Of course now I owe like 9000 bucks to the hospital.