I’ve already sent notice to my parents and aunt that my wishes are to donate my organs, then cremate the remains, and then have my ashes turned into diamond earrings, which will be worn every thanksgiving.

Excellent choice of music. Who wants to live forrrevvverrrrr

As long as she’s not peeing on my dishes, good for her

but he’s mr. worldwide....to infinity...

I literally could only clutch my purse to my chest for that part. My best friend still makes fun of me, because I always talk during movies, but for that part i just clutched my purse like a little old lady, and was dead quiet haha. My mouth has never been more dry in my life.

We must have the same hair because the same shit happened to me. Only on top of hairspray, the stylist refused to wash it, and I have super oily hair to start with and I though that if I was getting my hair done anyway, that I wouldn’t wash it that morning. Next time I will do my own hair and not waffle.

Wait why aren’t we friends with Jennifer Lawrence anymore? I missed the memo.

I support this. Make it so!

10/10 would read

Yep. When I was an Ops Director I was also the CEO’s unofficial (because he wanted people to respect my non existent authority) secretary and the receptionist. Never mind that I was running all the day to day operations and doing all the billing, I had to drop everything to order and go pick up his lunch.

The law office next door has a male receptionist, looks like a little nice grandpa, he’s always polite, has a fluffy white mustache and wears a bowtie.

Now I want a cartoon based on the adventures of the Macaroni and Cheese, because those are the best names for turkeys I’ve ever heard.

Does he have an eyepatch? He’s a soybean farmer pirate?

No no, if you don’t already do that you’re fine, it’s something people are born with.

Any jezzies out there who managed to get out of the 9-8 rat race and work from home? I feel like my anxiety beast would be quieter if I didn’t have to put up with office lighting and two hours of rush hour traffic everyday.

love this outfit so much! the vest!

My usual strategy is to turn what ever they said into something extra creepy. Like when my boss asked me to start wearing lipstick to be more presentable, I asked if he had heard about that genetic mutation that causes self cannibalism, and that some suffers eat their lips right off their own faces. He never brought…

i feel like after all that work i wouldn’t want my gift to be the baby. it’s like when you spend a lot of time making brownies from scratch and then you’re too tired to eat them....also there’s all the batter you ate earlier.....

if it was a million dollars and something more useful that a necklace. Like a clawfoot bathtub.....or the library from beauty and the beast....

i’m stealing this idea for when i have a hell spawn