That you consider this apeshit crazy foodstuff to be more grownup than a simple grilled-cheese sandwich is indicative of profound detachment from reality.

It's not a grilled cheese and tomatoes and mustard sandwich. It's a grilled cheese sandwich. I'm sure a grilled cheese and tomatoes and mustard sandwich is lovely, but it's also a different sandwich.

Because I am a lazy college student, I eat panini-pressed grilled cheeses for lunch four or five days a week. In fact I'm eating one right now. Sriracha helps mask the taste of sadness.

Can you imagine the frustration of sacrificing four years of your life in pursuit of your dream to be the best in the world, only to have all that sacrifice and progress rendered moot by an uncooperative, Russian winter?

"He wants to go out like Michael Jordan."

♬ Rape meeeeeee....Rape me, my friend ♬
Mornin' gang, Father Mike here with a few announcements...

Oooh! A penny!

It's amazing how childish these 'big-time donors' can be. I guess that's why they get booster seats.

You have a racecar which can reach a top speed of 300 MPH

To make matters even worse for Sam Sr., a Denny's waiter then showed up at his table with a plate of food.

Magary did it better.

To be honest, I'm not sure I've ever heard [a good luge joke]."

You see that he does this during NFL and MLB drafts but that he doesn't do it on NBA drafts. That's because he's too busy with his real job as GM of the Knicks.

Normally, this would come as a complete shock. But for Charlie Villanueva, it didn't even raise an eyebrow.

I'll thank you to stop borrowing plotlines from my NFL fanfic Tumblr without attribution.

"Bringing baggage into the locker room", give me a break.