1. I had to get three stitches after an avocado incident. 2. Holy shit, she’s 75?

Tell Donny Glover to stop by my house tonight, ktnxbye.

The biggest revelation on the lead story is that Joy Behar is 75. Who knew!

Orange on the other hand...

Well, yeah. You wouldn’t want your skin to get too brown, after all.

I pray that woman has her own bathroom.

To quote a co-worker who was commenting on an office shared by three men in their early 20's: “It smells like tacos and feet in here.”

Mom probably have a separate washing machine just for socks.

I think I remember reading that the Duggar mother had to be induced because she’s essentially been pregnant for 20+ years, so her body can no longer tell the difference between pregnant and not pregnant.

Remember that line in Guardians of the Galaxy where Chris Pratt says it’s lucky they don’t have a black light because his ship would look like a Jackson Pollack painting?

When my son has a sleepover and we open up his bedroom door the next morning we need to open the windows because of the barnyard stench.

“Crazy. Chaotic. Noisy. Messy. But, we enjoy it. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t have continued to have this many children,” said Jay.

Anyone want to bet these are “pro-life” people who advocate for adoption?

Mostly farts probably. I’m outnumbered by my partner and son, and farts definitely prevails over feet smell. Armpits are up there too.

I give the side eye to any parent that chooses to have 14 biological children. We all know the reasons this is not great. Overpopulation, environmental effects, etc.

Lift up shirt.

My body took about a year and a half to recover after one pregnancy. How can you subject yourself to FOURTEEN pregnancies?

Feet and farts.

i love that as this story gets national they’ve learned to hide the stupid and racist dad-joke middle name they gave the new kid