Wait, though; is that the actual doll? Or a model dressed as one? Because that’s some seriously Uncanny Valley stuff going on.

My mother was horrified by the prospect of email and the Internet so she never sent one or went online. God how I wish she would have, because her hobby was cutting out obituaries from the local paper with a precision that Swiss watchmakers would envy and sending them to me (with no notice) with a little note that…

“You have to give death a chance”? That’s so metal.

My husband’s grandmother at her 100th birthday party (attended by the city mayor): “I don’t let them give me flu shots. You have to give death a chance.”

“Get that mic out of my fucking face. Take the g-damned flowers off my lap. I’m going to wipe that stupid smile off your stupid fucking face. And if you talk to me like I’m a 3 year old for another second, I may see 111 but you won’t see tomorrow”

My funny and independent 20 year old mutt outlived my dad, who was his primary dog carer (I was number 2), who died when I lived in Japan aeons ago. I came home for 2 months for the funeral, to spend time with family, and to help take care of my dog. My younger siblings were in university at the time, and my mom was a…

The problem with the study is that it only asks why older women remain alive while completely ignoring why men, infertile people, or gay people remain alive when they serve no reproductive purposes either. It’s as if women’s sole purpose is to have a baby and then they become useless. Males of many species fuck and…

Why am I even alive today as someone who has chosen not to have kids?

In fairness, Baylor is a Baptist school so they already spend a fair number of dollars investigating and preventing on-Campus dancing.

I thought the Bruno Mars dancing was impressive

I can't even do one squat. Well, maybe one. Then I'd die.

Bey didn’t almost fall - gravity momentarily forgot who it was fuckng with.

beyonce didn’t almost fall...the ground was overwhelmed by her greatness.

She said NOT TODAY to that off balance moment and caught herself on beat. WHAAAAAAAA?? What form of beautiful Witchcraft is this?????

I did like the flower umbrella things, but Bruno and Beyonce’s dance off was the best.

Beyonce was the only good thing about THIS ENTIRE GODDAMNED GAME. I can not express my level of frustration. WHAT THE FUCK CAROLINA.

Oh my god, the rest of the world has discovered otherkin.

I initially read that as “kinky Jew”, and thought to myself: “well of course a 99-year old woman in Miami would find a kinky Jew on her chest, it’s probably her husband”.

It’s not the first time Grandma has been woken up with a banana, amirite?

I love my Patriots, but hot damn does Denver deserve all the credit for this game. Their defense played as close to perfectly as they could. Miller was truly terrifying and the Pats O-line had no answers at all in that game.