The Browns may not win the Super Bowl this year. They might not be AFC champs. They might not even take their division. But with RG3, they’re bound to overthrow somebody.

Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

Unsure what will happen when I run out of planets tbh.

Listen, we can all enjoy Dicky jacking as many dongs as he wants, but deep down we know that shaft wouldn’t be worth a sack of balls against the Big Unit.

How come all the guys named “Goddamn” are stuck sitting in the upper deck? And why are their surnames always space-related?

+1 glass of water when you have a sec.

Starting it off early this year.

I hope you enjoyed this final trip into the mind of Greg Jennings.

Lou Holtz? Is that you?

Is your comment really any less predictable? And really, how many ways can you describe stroking a big dong?

Lemme get this straight, there is more than one team?

“...and each player who wore a black shirt was fined $500.”

I get it, they don’t want controversy to distract viewers from compelling WNBA storylines like “Which two teams are these again?” and “Is that point guard the one I heard about in college in 2009? No? Ok nevermind.”

Seriously, why hasn’t baseball incorporated a pro tracer like golf yet?

Alternate descriptions of home run:

Reminds of that time I was trying to take a routine shit in the toilet and I misjudged it and shit directly into my own mouth.

Usually Redford’s articles just contain factual errors. Good to see he’s expanded his repertoire to grammatical errors as well.

While Bud may not be a Hall of Famer, at least he’s helping many of today’s hitters get there.

In Bud’s defense, he is a terrible pitcher.

There still looking for that ball!