The Browns may not win the Super Bowl this year. They might not be AFC champs. They might not even take their division. But with RG3, they’re bound to overthrow somebody.

Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

Unsure what will happen when I run out of planets tbh.

Listen, we can all enjoy Dicky jacking as many dongs as he wants, but deep down we know that shaft wouldn’t be worth a sack of balls against the Big Unit.

How come all the guys named “Goddamn” are stuck sitting in the upper deck? And why are their surnames always space-related?

+1 glass of water when you have a sec.

Starting it off early this year.

I hope you enjoyed this final trip into the mind of Greg Jennings.

I was gonna say “Winter Soldier,” but no, Cap had Bucky.

I can’t think of a single superhero movie in recent memory that doesn’t have a love interest. As long as it’s not a heavy focus, I’m cool.

Women can both kick ass and fall in love. Just like male superheroes.

Seems like an adaptation of her comic origin though? It’d kinda like doing a Spider-Man origin story without Uncle Ben, or Batman without his parents getting shot.

Lou Holtz? Is that you?

Is your comment really any less predictable? And really, how many ways can you describe stroking a big dong?

Lemme get this straight, there is more than one team?

“...and each player who wore a black shirt was fined $500.”

I get it, they don’t want controversy to distract viewers from compelling WNBA storylines like “Which two teams are these again?” and “Is that point guard the one I heard about in college in 2009? No? Ok nevermind.”

Seriously, why hasn’t baseball incorporated a pro tracer like golf yet?

Alternate descriptions of home run:

Reminds of that time I was trying to take a routine shit in the toilet and I misjudged it and shit directly into my own mouth.