Me(at a bar, staring at a guy's basket of mozzarella sticks): "You gonna finish that?"
MMMBOP
mmmbop
Also, one time I got a guy to go home with me by saying we could make a sleeping fort. We did, which he promptly passed out in.
Well, fuck. I'm here early enough and I've got nothing, other than the truly ridiculous number of times I've pretended not to know how to use chopsticks to get whichever dude is currently The Target to show me how.
I have a theory about people who become wildly successful/famous on the level that Steve has achieved: their relationship with their past, pre-fame and success, is an either or proposition. Either they embrace it. Or they shed it like a snake sheds its skin, leaving it in the middle of the road, to dry up and blow…
I found that snub so indicative of how Hollywood has treated Joan Rivers over the years. They laugh at her jokes, clap along to her witty jabs at celebrities and then ignore her when it comes time to honor "their own." Fuck the Academy. Joan is too good for them.
Totally off-topic, but I loved the way this performance was staged (choreographed?). Loved.
The problem isn't the Oscars; the problem is the film-making industry. Minority actors aren't nominated because very few movies about minority characters are made. Women directors/cinematographers/sound editors aren't nominated because very few studios hire women in those roles. Expecting the Oscars to embrace…
Ha - I was in Catholic school a little older (like Middle School Age) and so I had a little more understanding of sex (and watched a lot of TV, so a really skewed idea of how sex exists in the real world) When they were saying something about waiting until marriage, I must have spit out my chocolate milk - I blurted…
So, I went to a very strict Catholic boarding school, although I was a day student during the week and then went home on the weekends. When I was about 7/8 we started learning cursive writing. A very young, new nun (as in she had just taken her vows) took us for both handwriting and bible classes. I was having trouble…
I used to stare hard at my 5th grade teacher, convinced I was a witch who would meld minds.
I want your old house SO BAD. Also, there's something very charming about big old dogs that will do anything for the toddlers they love.
Penis Bra! Dying over here!
Similar story: I knew what the tops of my dad's underwear looked like, because he'd sit on the floor and I'd see the waistband behind his jeans, and then I'd see my mom doing his laundry and connect the dots as to what men's underpants looked like. Only one day, he leaned over and I noticed that although there was a…
I didn't have imaginary friends, I had imaginary animals. I would insist on giving "invisible" animals as gifts to friends of my parents. The recipients all accepted my "gifts" of magical invisible benevolent animals with complete sincerity.
I was much more industrious as a child than as an adult. I once drew, designed, and wrote a whole lifestyle magazine...for bugs. It was around when I had just reached literacy age so it's pretty unintelligible and hilarious. I drew fake ads, made art, and "wrote" articles for it. I think I still have somewhere. Also…
I can identity. I got a typewriter for Christmas when I was in the third grade and wrote my congressman A LOT. Mostly about being anti-vivisection. I actually mailed them.
I was not the cute kid. My sister was. We have SO MUCH dirt on her. She really was very inventive and adorable.
When my dad was driving my brother, his friend and me home from school when I was in kindergarten, his friend was talking about how his class was having a Thanksgiving play. I thought to myself, "I want to be in a Thanksgiving play", so I chimed in that my class was having one too! I said that there were so many…
My aunt got pregnant when I was 2 years old. I was the first cousin born, so I didn't really have kids around to play with. My family hyped up this baby so much to me, telling me how I would have a new cousin and friend to play with, and I was apparently super excited about it.