Out of the urethra?

You know where else it burns?

Did you know that Diet Coke burns coming out of the nose?

HOLY CRAP 80 CENTS

So I guess I can stop preloading lotion into my urethra. Good to know.

I HATE THOSE PEOPLE.

in ugly Christmas sweaters!

It's people like YOU that drove the Leftorium out of business!

Two cards per table? What is this, the 90s? Where is this restaurant that has a non-computerized entry system that can't split checks individually?

I was in a bookstore somewhere in LA, and on a pile of books I found a Hello Kitty wallet. There was someone a few feet away from me, facing away, who I thought worked at the store. I asked him, "Hey, do you work here, I found someone's wallet." He turned around and I stuttered, "Uh, no, I guess you don't." …

When I was four I was in OHare airport with my parents on the way to Salt Lake City. This was 1986. A man in a gold glittery suit walked by with a bunch of other men. I broke from my parents and ran after him. I grabbed his knee and was immediately picked up and handed to my parents by the other men. That golden man…

A huge problem with people who get a pet for "practice" is that often, when they do have a child, they lose interest in the pet because they didn't particularly want a pet so much as a baby stand in. Then, the pet is ignored until it dies, or it gets sent off to a shelter. When I volunteered at one, a fair percentage…

"What should we say?"
"Drugs...go with drugs"
"What? Are you crazy...we can't say she is a junkie..."
"Ok - let's go with Pot...no one cares about pot."
"Does it do that to people?"
pulls out 1982 anti-drugs campaign videos

Wow. At least she's honest about her motivation? A completely unrelated question - is that Brody Dalle as your avatar?

After repeatedly holding up checks to windows to trace over her signature I got to the point where I could forge my mom's handwriting and even she couldn't tell the difference. I think that from 6th grade on my schools may have never seen my mother's actual writing.

I'm guessing you meant to say 'bonkers,' but "I'm boners" works just fine.

those QUADS. he must do a ridiculous amount of squats. i dont know how i missed this, but it made my life. thank you.

Not to disagree with your overall point, I don't see her lyrics as "universalizing and idealizing those traditional gender roles." What a lot of people don't get is that a lot of her music is actually very conscious of her position as a black woman. In the US, BW didn't get to be the housewives. They had no choice but…

I got SUPER depressed when i read my astrologyzone from Susan Miller this month. Mainly bc she has so accurately predicted 1 - my b/f getting his visa and 2 - the exact day I got a new job.

Even before I read this article-Shutterstock has an upskirt photography photo? Of course it does, how silly of me.