As luck would have it, the hydrant went dry. The hose went limp from the lack of pressure. The firefighters looked at each other in dismay, for there was nothing more that could be done.

Heck even Facebook commenters like him!

Indeed. It’s definitely more enterprising that walking around playing Pokemon Go.

They fixed the footprint thing by removing the feature.

Of course he’s full of shit, every single thing he says is a stupid lie. He’ll never debate Clinton in any kind of real neutral setting, he’ll only do it if he can arrange for a moronic circus scene full of screeching idiots who roar over his spastic twitching and dopey insults. He’s a grade-A coward, a sleazy punk, a…

The Kimi-emulating Intelligent Machine no.1 - KIM1

I am currently a pregnant-American, but Roughly 50% of pregnant women who have spotting and cramping in the first trimester go on to have a healthy baby, the other half miscarry. So I have an exciting* couple of weeks ahead of me as I get to find out which half I am in.

Explains the gold toilets!

You pop it first. I’ve had a cocktail made with popcorn-infused bourbon and it was delicious and buttery somehow, despite a lack of butter.

i wonder if it’ll cry and go into hiding if it loses.

People are so short sighted. Even if you set aside the economic backlash of increased fuel prices, there are emissions considerations.

After you kind sir/Madame.

With the new Nike Air Porn, you’ll never be out of place in a scene.

Jason Pierre-Paul left that part out of his statement to the Giants

PLACED A BOTTLE OPENER ON PENIS THINKING IT WOULD FEEL GOOD BEEN THERE FOR A WEEK AND NOW IT IS NECROTIC

*buys ring*