“I’ll put you in the Moda Center,” doesn’t have quite the same effect.

Jesus. He has a lisp.

And he’s wasted in every scene. Perfect. Just give him the Emmy now.

That is HORRIFYING. I guarantee you the staff did not find his phone calls amusing and I’m genuinely surprised he wasn’t 86'd.

And NEVER tell new hires that you’re a regular. Introduce yourself. Welcome them. But actually saying things like, “I’m a regular,” or, “this place is like our living room,” is like wearing a flashing neon sign that says, “I’m extremely high maintenance and don’t respect boundaries.”

I truly can’t believe believe that movie won so many awards. It was FINE. It was a very boring love story about two bland people set to serviceable music. But it was about show biz, so AWAAAAAARDS. Hollywood is so far up its own ass.

I thought I was the only one.

I mean I guess because every single character she interacts with gushes about how beeeeyooooouteeefulllllll she is, so they figured she needed a ridiculpus princess wig to really sell it since Nicole Kidman is a known butter faced bog witch.

Um her music is extremely good for xanax abusing on your period days or so I am told from the self-sent texts messages I read days later.

I’ve been reading Jezebel for so long that when I started, the writers were all older than me and now they are all younger than me.

It became a class action.

That episode is actually called “The Lawn Chair,” and it is terrible.

Two million dollars worth of Alanis Morrisette’s jewelry? That’s A LOT of wooden bangles.

Clooney was the best Bruce Wayne.

LOL that tattoo. Is he part First Nations, or a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan?

Yeah I can and will have my own opinions about my kids’ shitty taste in music while still letting him explore music on his own, just like my parents hated Hanson but let me buy their records.

It makes sense for record (song) of the year but album of the year? Nah.

I finally have a name for the fuckery my eight-year-old stepson listens to every time he has iPad privileges. Sounds like these dudes were like, “our inspirations are that band that ripped off The Postal Service and my cousin’s Aerosmith cover band.”

“Hello,” wasn’t nearly that great of a track and I can’t even remember a single other song off that album.

My word you are tough. I probably would have gone home sick.