Quick, Congress! Do nothing!

That’s because Australia is the Florida of the continents. It’s also why all the animals want to kill you so bad there.

My cat wakes me up with the sounds of her profound existential anxiety.

That daughter and grandson sure are gonna miss their supplemental income, aka the dead lady's social security check.

Excess Pussy Creates Moral Hazard

Actually there are a ton of cases of great, vindicating, citizen resistance ending in the officers sulking off harmlessly. Like these: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u4Ku17….

...and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow

Good thing they're in England. The OB/Gyn bills would be insane in the US.

I saw a bra strap once. Woke up six days later in a ditch outside of Reno, covered in blood and cocaine. Never saw my car again.

Your mom wishes you would call. Why don't you ever call?

Mark, your MO seems to be to just blog everything my mom forwards me. I'm not complaining — 'cause this is kinda neat — I'm just surprised that you're on her forward list.

Not mutually exclusive.

This is when I cackle in mean girl satisfaction: I'm from Eastern Europe, where it's not only acceptable but traditional to give the young couple money. There's also a going rate per person that everyone magically knows (various factors affect it). Depending on how smart one is about their wedding and how rich their…

FINALLY!! No more Kanye and Kim coverage!!!!

That's fantastic for you. Unfortunately your bootstraps and rugged individualism don't stop exploitative labor practices.

I agree that this is the World's Worst Idea (TM), but Atlanta actually is a gigantic hub. It's been the world's biggest airport (by passenger transport) since 1998.

Right now, my "would if I could afford it" thing is Latisse. I wanna grow more eyebrows, fuck yeah. I don't care if I grow a horn or something as a side effect.

Oh good, we got the "Not All Men" comment out of the way quickly.

Er, that's every bar. Everywhere.