Oh tears of joy I know. These are the things that make me cry actually. Sad things I can control myself haha.

Oh God. I can't. Tearing up at work. That man's face is too much for me to handle.

Oh don't worry guys, it hasn't been determined that this was related to hazing. It probably wasn't, because that would be illegal.

WHERE ARE BOO AND MARU? Oh sorry, I didn't mean to get all Kanye. But seriously.

Keyboard Cat v. Maine Coon round one? Why do you do this to me Jezebel!

That picture of flaming homes in a pile might be the scariest thing I've ever seen.

I don't even remember who gave the speech at my college graduation...two years ago. I hope that later in life he doesn't write an article about what a bitch I am.

@SorciaMacnasty: Hearts back plz, for the love of pancakes: Bravo! This is the thought that haunts my thoughts each and every day. How can we possibly vote in these fucktards that don't even know what their opinion is?

@One_Hot_Redhead: I'm willing to bet that most of the people arguing with you are also pretty perturbed that many citizens can't obtain healthcare, education, etc. anyway, so that argument is pretty pointless.

God help the attorney who is willing to claim an 11 year old gang rape victim was a willing participant. I hope he can't look himself in the mirror.

@Oleander: As an alumnae member of a sorority and knower of all things greek, I can sadly confirm that this is in fact how frat guys talk. Find the facebook of any member of SAE, and you will see a list of attributes given to "a true gentleman". A friend in a fart, (fortuitous typo, I'm leaving it) once told me of…

Ah, I've always heard University of Spoiled Children. I think yours really hits the nail on the head.

Well between this and Idaho's fucktardery, I can tell today is going to suck. Also, an 11 year old making weird sound effects?! She probably deserved to get raped then, right? Because no kid has EVER made weird noises or run around in circles. I'm glad to see we're going to go all Amanda Knox on this kid.

I'm pretty sure it would be considered illegal for a police officer (ie authority figure) to have sexual relationships with under agers, simply because of the authority. Which is fine. If a 34 year old is preying on 16 year olds, especially ones he's known since childhood, he is dangerous to the public. If I had a…

All of these are very logical, and I do agree with you. But I still think that its the parents right as parents to make decisions for their children until their children are reasonably old enough to do so. Maybe not everyone agrees with that, as the world is not perfect and there are many people out there who should…

As someone who has the ability to find fault with and mock anything, I have no idea why this is relevant. I think we have moved onto the hatred part of our breakup, Jezebel.

Not to get all republican-y sounding, but if this law gets passed, then it should apply to many other things. What about ear piercing? Hair cutting? (I had some awful ones, thanks mom, that I'd like not have not happened), mole removal? Braces? Foot binding? What about leg braces for those born pigeon toed? The point…

@WorldsMeanestMom: This is only appropriate, given the moniker. I expect you probably have them make their beds too, instead of employing a butler and maid to be at their beck and call? You are horrible.

I would heart you if possible for this reference. Though I am more of an Obelix fan myself.

I mean, I'm all for people working in porn. Whatever. But can you pretty please not cavalierly throw around abortions just to prove a point that you're really cool and have sex with celebrities, when the asshole population of the United States is restricting reproductive rights more and more with every passing moment?…