I prefer the term erstwhile suitor. Then it makes it sound complicated, like you probably broke up but still talk and who wants to deal with that dramz? Nobody's taking that bullet.

@coffeeandkombucha: Team Jess forever.

@The Bean: THIS! I got written up in college for abusing prescription pills that someone said I stole from my roommate. The school asked my roommate where she got the pills, and she explained to them that this was untrue and she never had any, nor had she seen me doing anything suspicious ever.

@Neato Burrito: I'm fairly certain my father would not be making statements, but lurking on the Notre Dame campus ready to strangle this douche with his bare hands.

@trotamundos: my email address was also an inactive .edu address, and my linkedin and gmail accounts (DIFFERENT email address-same username but different extension) were compromised. Just reset that shit. Better safe than sorry.

@shaken.not.stirred: sigh.

@o-line: practice run.

@The Plain People of Ireland: Oprah and/or the companies that give the items away always cut a check for the taxes as well. O doesn't give away anything unless it's truly "free"

I wear a 32DD. Even my sports bras have an underwire. If you think you get to touch my boobs for that reason, TSA, you are sorely mistaken.

@lynxwings: I was raped when I was 17 and reported it. Four years later, when I got called into court and had to relive it in front of my hometown of 5,000 only to hear that I was a liar (because I in apparently wanted to lose my virginity to a 35 year old while I was in high school) was not worth it.

Don't forget about the ultimate hipster wedding, brought to you by Carles.